Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
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No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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