Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
