I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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