I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
