this boner is exhausting
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
