Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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