i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
