I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
