Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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