I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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