You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
