I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
