dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
