Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
