in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
