ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
