So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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