You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
