It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
