we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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