Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So. Much. Porn.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
