Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
