brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
