So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize