Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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