Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
