i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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