I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
