I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
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I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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