Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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