meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I want is dick and wine.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
