I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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