Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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