I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize