K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
