can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
