I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize