and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
