Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
