I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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