Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
