just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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