Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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