i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
