You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
