That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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