I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
