i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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