So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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