PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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