You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
