I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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