So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
