I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
