I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i barfeds in our rink
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
