It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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