My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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