after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
